Where's the Motivation Fairy?

As I sit here today, there are so many things that I want to do.  No, let me be completely honest with you – there are so many things I want to want to do.  I don’t actually want to do them, but I really wish I wanted to do them.  I really want to want to like fish.  Fish seems to be this magical food that will cure the ills of humanity; at least that is what I read.  However, I grew up in Ohio, smack dab in the middle of Mid-West.  As an aside, I have never understood why Ohio is in the mid-west, but one thing is for sure we didn’t have a lot of fresh seafood, and I never ate growing up. 

Another thing I want to want to do is exercise.  I played sports in high school, like most people.  But has been decades since I was active.  I know it is something that would really make a difference in my life, but I still don’t want to.  I keep waiting for the motivation fairy to show up and hit me with the motivation fairy dust.  But here I sit still waiting.  But what if I have it backwards?

What if action precedes motivation?  What if what we need most in life is not the motivation to act but the momentum from action?  Act first and allow momentum to be our motivation.  Norman Vincent Peale said, “action is the great restorer and builder of confidence, inaction is not only the result, but the cause of fear.”  Inaction is the great demotivator, just get moving.  The difference between wanting to want to and actually wanting to may be as easy as just getting started. 

However, that is not as easy as it might sound.  Mark Manson, in his blog post “Do Something” put it this way: 

If someone wants to fix their relationship with their mother, the emotions of the situation (hurt, resentment, avoidance) completely go against the necessary action to fix it (confrontation, honesty, communication). If someone wants to lose weight but experiences massive amounts of shame about their body, then the act of going to the gym is apt to inspire in them the exact emotions that kept them at home on the couch in the first place. Past traumas, negative expectations, and feelings of guilt, shame, and fear often motivate us away from the actions necessary to overcome those very traumas, negative expectations, and negative emotions.

He goes on to explain his “Do Something” principle for overcoming the inertia of getting started, and it is merely this…do something.  Do something, even a very small tiny baby step and allow that moment to help propel you forward.  It appears the motivation fairy dust does exist, but it shows up not when we sit and wait for it, but when we just take that first step. 

Well, its time to get started.  Do something. 

If you would like to read more of Mark’s post, here is a link. https://markmanson.net/do-something

Perfection is the Enemy of Progress

I have often described myself as an “All or Nothing” kind of person. I think that sounded good; I am either all in, or I will be out. But there was a problem, too often it really meant that I all in – until that moment I slipped in some way or measure.  If it was a workout plan, maybe I injured myself, got sick, or perhaps just got too busy.  I would miss a workout, maybe two and before I knew it, I was back to nothing. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have started something with great optimism and energy only to not live up to my own expectations and then quit.  Blogs, online classes, diets, books – I am a reliable starter but have struggled to be a consistent finisher.  No, the pattern is not universal; there are many things that I continue to be fully committed to the end.  I have been married twenty-eight years, I have completed three degrees, and I have been employed as a pastor for twenty-one years.  What is the difference?  I never looked at any of those as “all or nothing.”  I never thought that if I had a bad day as a husband, I would just quit.  No, regardless of how many days I failed to live up to my expectations of being the right kind of husband, I had to keep trying to move the needle in that direction.

In fact, my understanding of what it means to be a good husband continues to grow and change over time.  I will never completely arrive, and I will never be perfect.  And that is the point.  When we seek All (perfection) or Nothing, there is only one outcome – Nothing.  We will never be perfect, and therefore, perfection is the enemy of progress.  Whether it is getting healthy or being a good spouse or growing in your faith, there is never an arrival but only the journey. Growth is continuing to move the needle in that direction.  

Don’t wait for the perfect day to get started – there is no such thing.  If you have a goal in mind, just take a small step in that direction.  Just get started.  When you slip, and we all do, get back up and keep moving.  It is not about perfection, it is about progress. 

Unsolicited Wisdom

Last spring, I was wondering how I should interact with my college-aged son. He was living on his own and doing respectfully well, but occasionally he would share a struggle or describe a scenario that tempted me to provide some unsolicited wisdom. The struggle is simply this, would it be better to share what life has taught me over my decades of living or do I let him find out for himself. We both know that experiential learning is both the most effective and the riskiest.

I spoke to my son about my inner struggle; I would be so disappointed with myself if I had some insight into a situation and did not share it, but I also did not want him to quit telling me things because I was always butting in, so we made a deal. More accurately, I made an offer, and he accepted it. I would offer Unsolicited Wisdom as I have gained it though life and literature, and it would be just that, an offer. He would be able to think about it, test it out and ultimately to accept or reject it on his own.

So far, it has worked well. I do sometimes slip into the “shoulds”; you know, you should think about it this way, or you should not forget to try this. However, I try to stick with the life lessons learned and let him figure out the life application.

This fall I am trying something else. I am planning to send him and some of his friends memes and quotes that remind all of us of the enduring truths found in the wisdom of the ages. Perhaps I will throw a funny quote in from time to time myself to make more enjoyable. They too will come with the same agreement - take them or leave them.

I am planning to do the same with this blog - which I have named Unsolicited Wisdom. The deal is the same for any reader. If the work resonates with you, take it and try it in your life. Alternatively, set it aside, after all, it is just unsolicited wisdom.

Give Yourself the Gift of Gratitude

I am fascinated when the ancient wisdom and modern science coalesce and reinforce one another. It seems that the ancients knew the truth before scientific method could verify it. One of these intersections is that gratitude is good - it is good for others and for us. Whether the wisdom comes from the bible, stoic philosophers or positive psychology, we hear that to be intentionally grateful makes a difference.

The Bible tells us to…Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1Th 5:16-18) Even in difficult circumstances, there are always ways in which we can be thankful. Tomorrow my dad is having open heart surgery; it was not expected and certainly not desirable. However, I am thankful today because the blockage that will be addressed was found before a heart attack (I am a believer in well checks now). I am thankful that he lives in a place where he can get the care he needs. I am thankful for insurance and I don’t say that very often. I know there are circumstances that sometimes leave us feeling less than thankful, but if we take a step back and look we can generally find something or someone which deserves our gratitude.

According to Ryan Holiday, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus uses the Greek word eucharistos for gratitude. It means to be thankful, but it also means to be mindful of the benefits. For Epictetus, it was a way of “seeing” the world around him. To be grateful, we must be able to see the benefits. If we are honest, we have become desensitized to the benefits of life and focus more on the annoyances and problems of life. This lack of vision for the good effects our moods, attitudes and those around us.

Harvard Health published an article “Giving thanks can make you happier” which delineates the benefits of expressing gratitude. “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity and build strong relationships.” The article goes on to encourage cultivating gratitude through writing thank you notes, keeping a gratitude journal or even counting your blessings.

What do you have to be thankful for? Who would you like to express your gratitude? According to the wisdom of the ages, it will do you both good.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

Evening and Morning

       When do you start your day?  Most people will immediately go to whatever time they normally get up or set their alarm.  Others, either legalists or masters in the art of sarcasm, might say midnight.  However, I want you to consider a more ancient tradition and consider the implications.  What if your day started at sundown?  A few years ago, I was in Jerusalem with my family, it happened to be the Sabbath, and yet my kids still wanted to eat.  We looked around, and many of the restaurants were still open, so we got cleaned up and headed out.  It was just before dark when they call closed, I mean every one of them.  Not just the restaurants, everything was closed.  Why?  Why start the new day at sundown? 

       In Genesis 1, the scriptures tell the story of creation.  I am sure most of you have heard it before, but did you pay attention.  For each day, the activity of God is described, and there is a common refrain.

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. (Gen 1:2-5)t

You hear it over and over, and there was evening and morning.  The new day seems to begin in the evening, and that got me to thinking and observing my own life. 

When I thought about the evening as the completion of the day, I was not as intentional about the decisions I made about what I watched, read or when I went to sleep.  However, then I began to notice that when I chose to go to bed, how much news I decided to read, or even what I ate made more of an impact on the following morning and day than it did on the evening itself.  I made a mental shift and began to think of anything after sunset as the next day (or at least as solid preparation for it).  I knew that if I didn’t go to bed on time, tomorrow would be negatively impacted.  In addition, I would add a time of prayer and reflection to not only to show gratitude for the day but to begin to look and plan for the next morning. 

I guess it shouldn’t surprise us that ancient biblical wisdom can be found in even the most familiar passages.  What would it look like in your life if you began to see each evening and how you invest your time as a down payment on tomorrow? 

Keeping Hydrated

My wife and I went to lunch yesterday with a young lady from Zimbabwe.  She has been living in Houston for a few years and was talking about the transition.  One comment caught my attention; she mentioned that when she returns home, she has to be careful not to become dehydrated.  The air is so dry that her lips crack and she has nosebleeds.  Her body has gotten accustomed to the humidity of Southeast Texas and now she has to be very intentional about her water consumption when back in Zimbabwe.  Environment makes a difference. 

Water carries significant meaning the Bible.  In desert places, people appreciate the importance of water; they understand how water allows life to flourish and its lack can mean a withering death.  The writer of Psalm 1 describes a flourishing life as  "like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers."  (Psa 1:3)  Water is essential to life.  Jesus continued to use the metaphor of living water to describe the presence of God's Spirit.   Being spiritually hydrated feels like life and vitality.  

But do you have an environment that spiritually dehydrates you?  Maybe it is in your family of origin?  Or maybe it is at school or work?   Perhaps it is not a location but a person for you - they drain you.  The most important step in not withering is awareness.   Becoming dehydrated either physically or spiritually can sneak up on you.  You need to anticipate from previous life experience that you have a tendency to dry out in this environment.  When you know this, be intentional about staying hydrated.  Drink in what fills your soul in copious amounts.  It will be life-giving and make life a whole lot better.  

Plundering the Egyptians

Have you ever heard the statement “Plundering the Egyptians”?   The words are taken from a Biblical text from the Old Testament.  Even before Moses returned to face Pharaoh and call for the release of the Hebrews, Moses was told the outcome. 

"And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people so that when you leave, you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians."  (Exo 3:21-22)

What does this have to do with anything?  For the Hebrew people, this treasure was not only used to care for their families; it would later be used to build the Tabernacle.  The gold jewelry originally formed in the shape of animal gods was repurposed for God’s use.  John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, used this metaphor to express freedom to seek the wisdom of God from both the Bible and other secular sources.  All truth is God’s truth.  Therefore, one can explore both sacred and secular sources, both ancient and modern, both Christian and non-Christian for truth and wisdom.  Wesley also described himself as a man of “one book.”  He did not mean that he only read one book, but that his book (the bible) was his standard against which to measure everything.

Over the past twenty years, my quest to learn how and why people change has taken me to many teachers both past and present.  I have learned a great deal from them.  From the psychology of the Stoic philosophers to the most recent discoveries in the cognitive sciences, one can gain practical wisdom and apply it to life.  Through this blog, I hope to share what I have learned and what I am continuing to learn.  I hope these insights will help people on their journey. 

As a pastor, I will talk about my faith and how it impacts how I see the world.  However, I will seek truth where ever it can be found.  Personally, I will always be comparing my findings to what the bible teaches; I have found that science and philosophy are often the friends of faith rather than the enemy.  Ultimately, what you decide to do with any of this discussion is up to you.  I look forward to our conversations along the way. 

Jeff McDowell